Well, since we have now been officially on a waiting list at Cincinnati Children's Hospital for six months (ugh!), and I recently added us to yet again ANOTHER waiting list at University of Virginia's Children's Hospital, and we haven't heard anything from them, I broke down and went against what I have said I would not do.
For about a month now, maybe because he is getting older, it appears that whatever takes hold of my precious boy just keeps getting worse. Sometimes to the point (and I know this is going to sound ridiculous) that his facial features change. He has become a lot more defiant, a lot more whiny (if that was possible), a lot more demanding, and worst of all, a lost LESS loving. The last one absolutely tears me apart. When you are used to receiving a million kisses a day, and now you have to ask for them, it is very hard. And I know, I know, as every "boy" grows up, the same thing happens, but this is different. Stephen is different. Everyone who has ever met Stephen knows what I mean. He is tender and extremely loving (sometimes a little, or a lot, over the top). Well, that has changed. :(
I have also noticed how it has been affecting me. I have lost a lot of my will, and I don't like this at all. I am very sad a lot and about the only thing I seem to find joy in anymore is the Lord and church. I just can't seem to shake this, and I hate it, because I want to be the best wife and mother I can be, but I am failing miserably right now.
Anyway, enough of my pity party, I am writing with good news! The answer should have been more clear a lot earlier, but I felt like I had been doing the right thing by waiting out for Cincinnati. But right now, I am honestly at a point that is not doing Stephen, Todd, or myself any good. So, yesterday, I called Stephen's pediatrician, whom I absolutely LOVE! I asked for a referral to a behavioral therapist for Stephen. The ped asked me why, and I explained some of the things that we have been dealing with. He totally got it and said that he couldn't let us go through this anymore. He is referring Stephen (and possibly mommy) to two doctor's in Charleston! He explained that they were both wonderful and trustworthy. I am very confident he means what he says.
So, I do believe there may be a glint of light at the end of the tunnel. I am not saying this will "solve" everything, because we all know that the only one who can do this is God. I am saying that this may be the beginning of finally getting Stephen the assistance he needs to succeed in life.
I love that little boy with all of my heart, mind, and soul, more than words could EVER begin to describe, and I only want to do right by him. I have said this before, and I will continue to say it - God saw fit to place Stephen in my care, and I will always be his mommy to the very best of my ability.