**WARNING: One thing I did not mention in my disclaimer from yesterday was the fact that I am self-diagnosed bi-polar. I am not really bi-polar, but every now and then (more so now) I have "me" moments or "me" days when I am just feeling sorry for myself, and so the emotional roller coaster of my life begins. Well, this is definitely one of those times, and one of those posts. Please do not feel like you have to comment to give me support, because first: 1) This post is going to be about a character flaw that I struggle with on a daily basis; and 2) I will hate myself for posting because I will feel like I was just asking people to tell me how great I am. I am not doing that. I am just using this blog as my outlet...remember?
Where do I even start. I could honestly go all the way back to my tween/ teen years, but I will not do that. There is just so much running through my mind that I want to say, but I just don't want to go "there."
For some reason, I am the type of person who has to have my hands in a little bit of everything, but this goes far beyond my crafting capabilities. I have always tried to please everyone in my inner circle, outer circle, work environment, visual sight...you know, trying to change the world with my niceness. Well, heads up people, that doesn't get you hardly anywhere at all. Most people just see that as a lack of backbone, and unfortunately, I have to agree with them.
And then, partner that with the inability to complete goals (whether they be major or minor) in life, and you have a train wreck!
I say that because I have to be the world's best at starting things and never following through with them, or following through, but never mastering anything, i.e. direct marking sales (Mary Kay, Jewelry, Avon, etc.), cake decorating, crocheting, knitting, getting my college degree...I think you get the point.
The one that really sticks out to me, and should have been a MAJOR goal, is not getting that coveted college degree. Throughout my 20 years of post-high school graduation, I have attempted several times to obtain that slip of paper, but each time, I allowed some life circumstance to creep in and I bail. I have had two really good jobs during these times, so I never dwelt on the fact that I didn't have a degree. I have thoroughly convinced myself that through my intelligence and life experience, that I have proven myself and can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I am here to tell you today that I am WRONG! I am not bragging on myself, but I am pretty smart. And when you give me something to do, I get it done. I make connections, build important collaborations, and expand on things that people would never think possible. However, just because I do not have that "paper," I will always be sitting at the children's table.
I know that God has always, and always will have a plan for me. Sometimes it is just so extremely hard to fight off the thoughts of the flesh - the discouragement, the anger, the hurt.
What I need to remember, and is probably the most important goal in my life, I do not lay up treasures here on earth, but in Heaven! Thank you God!
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18