Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Emotional weekend that has carried over...

**I almost just deleted this post, but feel the need to publish it. I started composing this on Tuesday, and never finished. It is now Thursday, and I will pick up where I left off and finish out what this week has meant for the Taylor household.

Sunday and yesterday have to be classified in my world as the worst parenting days of the (almost) six years I have been blessed with Stephen. I don't know what is going on with him, but if something doesn't change soon, I think I am seriously going to lose my mind!

It all started after Sunday School, because he was such a good boy during that time. I had to run to Michael's to pick up some yarn, and he and Todd drove around while I ran in. When I got back into the car, he still wasn't bad, but I could tell his personality/ mood had changed significantly.

**I should probably pre-empt this message to explain that since the weather has began to warm, Stephen has convinced himself that he MUST be playing with the neighborhood kids at all times! While he is at mom's, there are several little kids that either come over or he goes to their house. And as soon as we hit our driveway in the evening, he bolts out of the car and out of the yard to one of our many neighbor's houses. Although mom nor I have a problem with him playing with any of these kids, because they are all great kids, there are several issues I have with this.

1. Stephen has been lashing out and getting in trouble at school. He should not have privileges to play with other kids after school. This should be a time for discipline and making him understand why.

2. There needs to be limits on the times each day he can have company. We all need time to do our daily tasks, but getting Stephen to grasp this concept seems absolutely impossible.

3. I would like for just one time to be able to pull into our driveway, get him out of the car, enter my house, change clothes, and cook dinner without the interruption of having to chase him throughout the neighborhood!

I know what some of you are probably thinking. Who is the adult here? Well, let me tell you, come live in my house one of these evenings and see how hard it is to control a child that has no concept of cause and effect. I can whip him, switch him, put him in time away, take away his television, try to keep him from leaving the inside of the house...NOTHING WORKS!

I am not saying that Stephen is a bad child. As most of you know, he is very loving and caring. But for the last two weeks, especially the last two days, it has been constant disobedience! And not only at home, he has been in trouble in school for the last two weeks. I can't remember when he had his last good day.

My heart is breaking! Determining what to do next has been the biggest struggle for me. I have waited patiently for him to "grow out of this." Unfortunately, it just hasn't happened. Each year, I find myself daydreaming that "next year will be better" as far as being able to take him in public and not having to suffer through temper tantrums, screaming and crying. Well, here we are in almost year six, and I have yet to be able to enjoy a day out with him. That is why I have always truly preferred to just stay at home behind our locked doors. That was our little respite, my relief.

That now has been taken away from me, too, because of what I have explained above. The thought of running away (all of us) to a place where no one knows us has crossed my mind. That way, we can just find us plenty of property somewhere, and Stephen can have all the room outside to roam and play, but we won't have to deal with this feeling of him ALWAYS having to have someone to play with.

This is so selfish of me! I hate that I have those feelings. And I will NEVER keep him from his friends. But I truly feel like I can't take much more. I just wish he could realize that us adults have things we absolutely have to take care of before he can play! There are a lot of things I wish he could "understand," but he just doesn't right now.

**Picking up from here...

Todd and I, along with our mother's, have cried and cried this week. It has been an extremely long, hard, emotional week for all of us. Decisions have been made. And they have been prayerfully made. I am confident in our Lord that He has put us on the right path, and now our burdens are in His hands. He would have never blessed us with our precious boy if He didn't deem us fit to be the parents of a special needs child. For that, I am forever grateful! Praise His Holy Name!!!!!

It is easy to praise God when your up on that mountain, but do you praise Him when you are down in the lowest valley? You know what - I DO!

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